i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Randomize
