i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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