I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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