the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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