ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
