She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
