Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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