happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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