You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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