my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
