he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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