peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
