I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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