So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
