Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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