billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
