All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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