and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
