mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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