I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
