What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
