i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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