wat bout pragnant strippers??
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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