i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
