Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
