I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
