i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
