Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
