Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
