OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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