Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
