no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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