Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
