what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
