Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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