oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
