4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
