I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
