i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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