Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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