fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
