White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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