It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
