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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
