I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
