his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
