So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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