and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
