he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
