I wish life had little blips of pornography
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
