I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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