yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
