Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
