Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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