fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
