Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
