careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
do herpes really smell.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Shame is for Republicans.
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