Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
