Don't you send me to vm
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
