got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
