You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
