So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
