You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
