theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
