The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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