Just fell off a train. Bad.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize