Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Cover your peen. We're going out.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
