I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
