New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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