he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
don't judge my taste in strippers
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
