Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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