Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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