"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So much Jack, so little girl.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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