Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
