guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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