her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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