Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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