I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
