Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
