You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
